Changing flies

There is no hatch, the water is a bit high - two inches perhaps -fast and cool but not cold. Now the time has come for you to think like a trout.

I have devised a few simple techniques that enable you to simulate the mind of a stocked, fifteen-inch, rainbow trout four-feet down behind a rock in moderately fast water, mildly hungry. No special equipment will be needed, there are no software programs to buy. Assuming you are an avid fly fisherman, your cerebral processes already have degenerated sufficiently that there is no longer a great mental disparity between you and your quarry. The next step is to translate thought between the worlds of fish and man. As I know neither the gender of the trout nor fisherman, some assumptions have been made to generalize this - I don't care about the gender of the fish, and the fisherman is male, or approximately so, but in order to incorporate all the elements of thought the fisherman must be Everyman, not Uberman.

Below is the formula. Just fill in the details in the following statements, I have provided some suggestions in italics, replace these with your own words:

The trout is lazy and won't come up through the water column without tremendous incentive.
Your wife announces that the front lawn needs mowing. This inspires you to go fishing.

The fish wants something substantial, but bland.
Size is attractive, it has meaning on many different levels to you - you're going to buy a Hummer!

A trout depends on protective adaptation for safety.
The Hummer will be ordered painted in leaf camo.

For the fish, rising to the surface will mean increasing danger from predators.
Armor-plating, roll-flat tires, a chauffeur trained in the martial arts, and bullet-proof glass.

The trout is sometimes stimulated by curiosity.
It's a stretch-Hummer.

Now, a simple translation of the above into a fly gives you a #6 Yellow Marabou Muddler with an extra-long marabou wing. What could be simpler?!

However, suppose it is an old, wild, brown trout, in the same plunge pool. This requires an entirely different vantage point. Take off your bowling shirt and put on a Norfolk shooting jacket, or a Harris Tweed with leather elbow-patches. The assumptions regarding the gender of the trout will be the same, and the fisherman will still be male but less driven by biological imperatives of the Y chromosome. Assume elderly with a low testosterone count.

For these conditions we need to resort to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. So, starting at the bottom:

The old brown has hunger and thirst.
Assuming that we can do nothing for him in the way of thirst, we look at the issue of hunger. Imagine an old gentleman ensconced in a Corinthian-leather club chair, by a flickering fire at his private club (the Drones, of course). Secretly, he wants a quarter-pounder with cheese, in fact he can almost taste one - the grease dribbling out of the bun all over his pants, and the meat so pre-masticated he doesn't even need his teeth. However, he is going to order the veal.

The fish requires security and protection
Our old gent's eyes are twitching closed, what he really wants now is his binky, but he will settle for a comfortable wool tartan carefully tucked around him by an obsequious elderly servant.

Our trout must have a sense of belonging and love.
Snores are gracefully ascending from old Isaac's throat, cinched as it always is by his old school tie. He hasn't seen any of the old gang in years, but the tie still provides the memories of a delightfully mis-spent youth.

The old brown is aware of several smaller trout who wish to shelter in the lee of his rock, but fear his wrath.
All the serving staff are tiptoeing now when skirting the sleeping form of old Isaac, in a mixture of veneration and fear.

The trout has no concept of a life other than the moment he is currently experiencing on the level of his senses.
Old Isaac has a vast store of memories, dreams, and hopes which he can run through his intellectual fingers each day, like a string of beads, savoring each one.

It takes but a moment to translate the above into a fly -- a #6 Yellow Marabou Muddler with an extra-long marabou wing.

I hope these systems are of some benefit to you. If not, tie on a #6 Yellow Marabou Muddler with an extra-long marabou wing. It usually works for me.