Managing the angling indice...

Marital Angling Indices Management concerns the observation and adjustment of the three major marital indexes that relate to fishing opportunities:

• AGI - Acquired Guilt Index - the measure of guilt to be felt for taking a fishing opportunity, or your wife's guilt for denying you the experience


• EGI - Ephemeral Goodwill Index - the transitory acquisition of positive attitudes by your spouse toward you, hence toward your beloved fishing


• SSI - Spousal Sympathy Index - the measure of the sympathy your spouse feels for your intense need to fish

Properly managing these indices is vital to a satisfying and long-lasting life that includes both fishing and your spouse. The following recommendations regarding MAIM are written for the benefit of an angling husband - an angling wife already has a full understanding... and any less formal partnership has little need for MAIM.

The AGI is the most difficult of the indices for most men to maintain in a healthy state. However, all three indexes interact, producing a cumulative effect that may make a fishing trip possible. Consider the following examples:

1. You wish to go fishing tomorrow - you have already planned that a friend will call you early in the evening to tell you of the perfect conditions prevailing on River X, you are prepared to express surprise at such an unusual alignment of the planets (in your wife's hearing) - but you suddenly remember that tomorrow is the seventh-grade concert and your daughter will be singing in the chorus. The Acquired Guilt Index only registers from 1-10, this is clearly a fifteen - a definite non-starter.


2. You wish to go fishing tomorrow but your wife mentions, before you tell her of your intentions, that she has offered your services for the town cleanup tomorrow. At this point, the AGI is in your favor, as she will understand. So, you say, "I had planned to go fishing with Mark on River X, but I know how important this is to you...". Her AGI hits a solid eight, and your EGI bumps up to a positive six. Your next fishing trip, if taken within five days is a cert! Be aware that the Ephemeral Goodwill Index lasts less than a week before it returns to zero, it must be used within this span. The AGI, conversely, lasts indefinitely, ten years from now you may be reminded of your churlish behavior today.


3. The SSI is the most complex of the indexes, requiring as it does, that your dear wife notice your sub-optimum mental and physical state, that she determine for herself that the condition is the result of insufficient fishing time, and that her level of compassion is greater than her need to see you mulching the tomatoes. For the husband, the necessary shuffling about the house, emitting frequent deep sighs is almost as wearisome as for the wife who observes this. Unfortunately, the SSI requires that your wife suggest you go fishing - this may take up to a week of solid moping and groaning.


4. It is sometimes possible to use financial incentives to boost the EGI. I have never had success through this avenue, but I've heard rumors. A spontaneous gift of flowers apparently is useful. On the other hand, I once spent a considerable sum on a new lightweight lawn mower for my wife... only to find myself behind it during what I was told was the best hatch of green drakes all year.

© 2007 Reed F. Curry