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Better Fishing Through Global Chaos
Sunday, June 15. 2008
I wish to state now - well in advance - that I am not to blame for the "Great Blackouts of 2012!" I am simply offering insights which could transform a possible future of sitting quietly in your basement, enjoying a can of cold beans in the dark -- into some of the superb fishing opportunities that only global chaos and destruction provide!
As you are probably aware, the Solar Storms of 2012 will be the most impressive since 1958 - when the Aurora Borealis was seen in Mexico [1]! However, unlike 1958, we now have low-Earth-orbit communication satellites, an expanded electrical grid, and semi-conductors -- but not for long...
Assuming everything goes as projected, the geomagnetic forces from the solar storm will induce currents in our power lines, causing major blackouts around the world [2]. Simultaneously, the ionosphere will expand, slowing low-Earth-orbit satellites, causing some to plummet to Earth. Other satellites will have to be powered down to protect their components [3]. GPS systems will be affected, slowing or grounding commercial air traffic. Even those planes able to fly will need to avoid the faster polar routes - the radiation will be too great [4]. As well, Single-Event-Upsets, the flipping of a bit from zero to one in a semi-conductor (computer chip) caused by radiation flux, may cause computers in planes, trains, and automobiles - which all contain computers - to reboot or hang [5]. (Alas, even my pacemaker is vulnerable.) This means that only a car that predates the introduction of computer fuel monitoring will run dependably.
So, what does this mean for the fisherman? Well, with the phone and pager service out, the boss can't call you to come into work. There won't be electricity for days at a time, anyway; so the gas stations won't be open for business, the roads will be quiet, your daughter's stereo won't be blasting, your son's hairdryer will be silent, and you can't be expected to waste valuable gasoline mowing the lawn! Your wife will plead with you to go fishing - she already has the kids moping around the house complaining endlessly about the lack of Internet, music, and video games - all you need to do is start whining because you can't tie flies by candle-light.
The fishing will be fantastic! You won't see anyone else on the stream - only the two readers of this blog will have properly prepared with a secret fuel stash for their 1972 Volvo fishing buggy! While others are huddled at home, a shotgun across their laps, guarding the last of their freeze-dried food; you can be fishing seven days a week! You will be able to cast, artfully, well into the night - the Aurora Borealis will provide ample illumination; hey, if you get irradiated enough you might even glow yourself. Nymph fishermen (turn and spit) will enjoy using a properly tied "Copper John" - the geomagnetic-induced-current will stun any fish nearby! OTOH, dry flies tied with a "hackle" of ferrous compounds on a 15' 36 gauge copper leader will float, by maglev, slightly above the surface film - driving the trout wild!
Prepare now for some of the finest fishing of your life! Global disasters bring out the best in men... and the fishing is incredible.
[1] NASA Storm Warning
[2] GEOMAGNETIC STORM RISKS TO ELECTRIC POWER DISTRIBUTION
[3]"In 1989, a space weather storm caused such significant orbital decays that the Air Force Space Command lost track of 1,300 of the 8,000 objects orbiting in space that it was tracking." -- Congressional Briefings
[4]Radiation hazards
[5]SEXTANT
See also:
http://www.agu.org/sci_soc/eiskappenman.html
Single Event Upsets
Boeing
© 2008 Reed F. Curry – text © 2007 Eric Reaves – illustrations
"...dry flies tied with a 'hackle' of ferrous compounds..."
Imagine the endless hours of experiments I'll have to go through creating lifelike hackle impregnated with iron! My first thought is raising chickens and soaking rusty nails in their watering hole.
Take care,
hawgdaddy
While Kevin's recommendations have merit in the brownlining streams he frequents - the fish themselves are afraid to drink the water and avoid it whenever possible - such an approach won't work on N. AL water. Tests have confirmed that Iron Blue Dun hackles have the wrong polarity for your region. Also, apparently there is something in your water that promotes consanguineous "bonding" at an early age, so the mayflies don't go through a Dun stage, but are either nymphs or Done.
I would suggest, therefore, affixing 1" finish nails as spinner wings on all your dry flies. This should give you the proper polarity, approximate the insect life-cycle, and provide handy toothpicks for the fish after ingesting.
I hope these articles have been of help and prepared you for the days ahead.
Reed
I'm certainly glad to hear that. Of course, I was shocked to read about inbred aquatic insects in our area! Who would've thunk it? Being raised in the doctrine that inbreeding is what separates us from the animals, that little tidbit would have dismantled my entire belief system. Glad to hear it was just a joke, and also glad to hear that I can stop my chicken experiments. The chickens seem to be having trouble digesting the rusty water. I didn't worry too much because I assumed that in the four years I have until the disaster, "survival of the fittest" would assure that my flock of chickens evolve to handle the high iron diet. On the other hand, I don't have the luxury of evolving, and I was having trouble digesting the dead chickens.
Now, considering the state of my finances after the purchase of a chicken farm and several bamboo rods (the use of which I adopted for fear of what a likely increase in electromagnetic storms might mean for graphite rods), I am incapable purchasing the rusty dun neck or pre-tied flies. What to do, what to do...?
hawgdaddy
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Comments
Wed, 13.08.2008 06:28
God, I could use one of those for crossing streams, if nothing else! Nice find.
Fri, 01.08.2008 22:47
Even though I have no association with the link I am about to provide it has significantly [...]
Mon, 30.06.2008 11:20
kbarton, I'm certainly glad to hear that. Of course, I was shocked to read about inbred [...]
Thu, 26.06.2008 09:47
hawgdaddy, While Kevin's recommendations have merit in the brownlining streams he [...]
Wed, 25.06.2008 17:23
He's teasing you HawgDaddy, all you need is an Iron Blue Dun, or a "Rusty" dun neck and [...]